Tag Archives: Experience

Abah in Memory…

Abah in Memory…

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My Beloved Abah – 15.01.1946 – 27.11.2016

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Don’t’ you love Oxford Dictionary?

I remember how you force me to read it…
A thick book with loads tiny words…
Hate at first but when I started to read.
I thought it was a long beautiful poem about everything…
Amazingly, I love it !

I am a Kampung Girl from Pasir Mas.
A tiny village in Kelantan.
Native slang is our mother tongue
Plus a mixture dialect with the Siam
Speaking English is outlandish.

He bought me an Oxford Dictionary
And a New Straits Times newspaper daily

For me to read and learnt new words a day

Since then, I was called “Budak Putih” at school and the “Arrogant One” to some
It was fine and sometime, I talk to myself out loud…
And even act like “a Queen of England” in my own room.

Mama said I am out of my mind but Abah said it was fine
Always be the one to read the English poem on stage every school assembly
My English teacher loves me so much
She names her first daughter after my name…Norafiza
I was so young then and do not understand…

Time flies and have changed …
Now I know why and understand…

Thank you Abah…for making me a dictionary reader.
I read then and still do now and will do forever
It is priceless and it will be remembered
Shall pass to my kids and their kids after them

And shall continue with another finest piece of literature on earth…
The mother book of all… the nobel Al-Qur’an
With God blesses and wills…all shall be okay and all at ease.

I miss you Abah…Al-Fatehaa

Abah in Memory…
Peace be upon you…
Zakaria Hj.Abdul Hamid
15.01.1946-27.11.2016

 

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Muse o Mine

my-guardian-angel-b2

Pitch Black

It was dark…totally pitch black !

Sight in the first blink of my eyes; just after the 8 hours of my Brain Tumour Pterional Craniotomy Surgery…terrified, panicked, freaked-out; whatchamacallit…I was DOOMED…game over!_My mind ticked !!

Deep breathing with a little prayer and hope…after few blinks, there it goes, ray of light started to peep in with familiar images started to visualized. I recognized them…Yeah, I can see….Yeah, I CAN SEE !

GOD is Great,I am blessed !
#throwback_18th September 2012

Light at the end of the tunnel…

There’s what I always think it is.  Hoping this chaos, this convoluted mess, web of confusion, this pit of darkness; somehow something good will come out of it. Miracles happen to help make sense of the battle, the turmoil, the pain, the exhaustion. One thing that all these series of unfortunate events did to me was bring out my personality totally to the full force.

Recovering…

Using this moment, an absolute the turning point, to rebuild, refocus and realize what this new life is all about. Ruminate and reminisce…it’s sad that I have not taken priority in the earlier stage this blues and fuelled it into this vibrant, energetic, motivated and inspired me. Instead I mope and feel weakness pulsating through every vessel. I do not over-share in the beginning because I do not think anyone will understand. Instead it manifests into more sorrow and an overflow of exhaustion. Gosh!!

Have I cried enough? … Well, I cannot recall but yeah…Yes, in my own way.

Do I think I am a burden to my partner? …Yes and so so Yes !

Am I selfish? … A little bit Yes !

Do I feel pressure to have moved on already? …Totally Yes !

Am I different? …Absolutely Yes !

Am I lucky? …Probably Yes !

I want to wipe away all the anguish and just feel better. I am so want to have a good day in each every single day. Everything now starts with “Ever since I survived…,” there is that cloud, this moment of grasping for air and trying to understand how to cope, reflect and stand up. This is a new beginning. Dealing with few major unfortunate events in life forces every vein in my well-being to face my real self, my identity, everything I knew …All of me !

With Almighty GOD gifts and loves, with a simple and adequate upbringing, with a good mixing blood in me, a true-true Scorpion that I have always been;  had very powerful feelings about things and an ability to be able to feel so much love towards people, but at the same time can hurt me like crazy. That is something that I have needed mentoring on, and that I have had to grow into. I have to keep moving forward, venture to a new career path, renew faith in self, to recommence romance, a growing family, a totally new life…?

Answer is…I evolve to a better person than I was before…

I found ways to heal mind, body, spirit and soul, but never healed my heart. The biggest thing I have learned in this round of reinvention after the Brain Tumour and Cancer is the importance of Self-Love. My perceived faults were never flaws, nor even mistakes. Embracing that helped me to accept all that I am, and all that others are as well. I cannot fully love, forgive, or embrace others until I can do the same for myself. I have finally managed to decouple these people I have loved from the matrix of post-traumatic stress triggers, simply by choosing to love them again. That trapped child within has finally been released, and is free to just Love again….Love conquers all…Love Life !

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“Togetherness – L.O.V.E “

New life resurrection…

It’s all started when I took a chance and decided to solely in charge to develop the interior design of an International corporate office based in Malaysia just after my remission. At first I thought it was just a same old typical job that I have done before. But, it started to develop during my site visit, first time I saw this 16 foot tall colourful human sculpture titled “Togetherness” at the site main entrance of the prestige building in the heart of Kuala Lumpur City Centre, The Platinum Park. It perceives “LOVE” to me. I was moved by how powerfully yet simply it represented how I have felt about one too many people over past years. Some might say the sculpture represents people’s egos, pride, and resentment. Allowing pain to persist when people are unwilling or unable to resolve bad situations with each other even though deep inside; the inner side of me is reaching out towards the other with LOVE.

People, Process and Progress…

The positive vibes and energy from the sculpture then transferred to the people. I had been introduced to the team member of the job, which very interesting as much as I learn about them and the more I interacted with them, I realized I was thrilled to work closely with this amazing team. Ranging from the Client-Customer, the Leader and the Manager to the Builder; each of them has a good personality quality and interesting character, are very much in tune with each other, has a great sense of team spirit, believes in their purpose, and runs the operation and shift without a formal leader in the middle of things. We have a “shared philosophy” and I must admit and put in word that…this is the first time ever I feel, I have worked in a whole and comprehensively accomplished.

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The People

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The Project

Throughout the process, we challenged, questioned, resolved conflicts, and argued. As a result, we left with specific plans and commitments to develop into a success results. The hard work and effort paid off as I became known as “the star” of the project and singled out as “special” compared to my other few hundreds jobs. I was motivated by the positive attention, the empowerment, and the pride that goes along with being the best. As a result of this experience, it is clear the team developed out of a clear understanding to compete against the goal instead of each other. We stayed self-driven and self-directed as a result of being allowed to become more than our “individual selves”.

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One of All

To self-accomplish, after all I realized and learn that I finally found the precious thing that I have lost; MY LIFE !  Been surrounded with great people from different background and different practises with positive vibes somehow boosted the serotonin in me and precisely there was ONE and still is ONE particular amazingly inspiring that just make me smile again and most importantly…bring my life back! Thank you !

In the progress, now I fully aware that life is short so why make it shorter as I can make it sweeter. I will do as much as I can to fulfil those many blanks in my life. Continuously I will…

…”Preserve the existence; conserve the possession…Quest of ventures; Pursuit of Endeavours”…

Clock ticked and ready to be unstuck…

After few months of joyride, the project finally reached the completion then again here I am…the melancholia triggered. Sadden but there is always the beginning of each ending. I was up there for a while and back to down here once more time. That is life that I have to leave in…always resentment to contentment; pressure to pleasure;hostility to serenity…that I cannot allow myself to be under the line again…Never again. I must find the remedy to the catastrophe, seeking for opportunities, booked the flight ticket and enjoy the journey. Damn it…what a roller coaster ride!

Teasing my mind to arouse my creativity…

                                   ….”Where art thou, Muse o ma creation…”

Like all things I really want in my life, sometimes I just need to reprogram the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to support what I want to move into a creative mindset. Really, that is the gist of it.

Again, deep breathing with a little prayer and hope…I lie back, relax and take pleasure in exploring few provocative ways to arouse my creativity. Count my blessings and spend time with love ones and LOVE MY MIND…Start pursuing my free writing, write from a real me and WRITE MY MIND or write craps…Get away from the computer, take my pencil, my sketchbook and SKETCH MY MIND…Listen to new sound, new music and SING MY MIND… Meet new people from different walks of life, strike up a conversation in any way and SPEAK MY MIND…Do something that makes me happy; that brings me joy; that make me feel loved; that centers me and FEEL MY MIND…Be in the moment or I call this ‘being in the zone‘ and BE MY MIND !

These are all muses to me…maybe a living or non-living…pursuit or activity…active or reflective, but it is important to me because it has potential to heal, inspire, motivate, uplift, and reveal me. In my fast paced creative world, the muse often becomes the island of solace and becomes a very necessary part of my inner creativity growth and the evolution of myself.

I may have stumbled upon my muse accidentally, or through intentional or very deliberate processes, or simply by processing what I like and do not like to do, or through experiencing personal tragedy. I believe that searching for Muse o Mine is part of my life script and chapter. I also think that it is a form of modern questing. In this adventure, I do not pretend to have any definitive answers, magic formulas or award-winning storybook. I am simply a Designologista who is also looking, but who is willing to share parts of my discoveries and tales of my life. In essence, it is time to make friends with my inspirational muse…The Muse o Mine !

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“Where art tho, Muse o ma Creation”

In GOD, I trust and believe…It’s a blessed and bliss

To dearest Muse o ma Creation , Inspirational Muse o Mine…you move me and I do not know how to thank you that much…but you always have and always will be …the ONE that makes and colours the Insignias of Afiey… !

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Insignias of Afiey

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AFIEY:INSURRECTION

AFIEY:INSURRECTION

AFIEY:INSURRECTION

14th January 2013…my 5th BT Post Surgery Doctor’s check-up went quite okay…my Visual Field eye test seemed improving too. Despite all those, I am still unfit to start work and have been given another month to rest in addition of my 4 month’s medical-leave. But yeah!! Being me…AFiey the AFlame, AFire, eager and enthusiastic as always, decided to kick off my work on the dot of my 4th months medical-leave that falls on 16th January 2013 instead. I know it’s a risk but I took a chance as I feel it’s a need for me to get back into the groove, establish my self-confidence level and absorbing as much design updates activities in the market to gear up myself in phases until my actual work starting date.

Back to Work

Back to Work

 16th January 2013…I was one excited early bird, getting ready for the day. Put up my best, smart and casual office attire, some make-up on and perfume. Had a good healthy breakfast and yes…I am set to Rock’nRolla…!

Doing what I do best...

Doing what I do best…

Being in the office environment with my superb team, sketching some space planning, catching up with my Clients, visiting few of my completed Projects after a long break…kind of made me feel like…Well AFiey, you are so so back in action and so so ready to shake the world…*It’s Great to be Back!!…It has been a while though and Hey!…Doña Hermosa, Tranquilo…take it easy babe, nice and slow…!

AFiey is back in action!

AFiey is back in action!

2013…*Please be GOOD to me yeah…;-)

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Beginning is a new Ending

Praise to Almighty that I am still here and fully alive to face the New Year 2013..! Hope everyone is alive too and wishing all a very Happy New Year with the new Chapter. So now, I guess the movie “2012” is officially a Boo Boo and same goes to the Mayan who’s prediction!

2012

2012

Indeed 2012 was such an eventful year for me and family with all those ups and downs, happiness and sadness but here I am, still breathing and surviving to face 2013. I hope new year will grant more happiness and health to me, my family and to us all.

Last 12 years ago, after Y2K, which was in year 2000 the 2nd Millennium year, I did it again tonight – walking around in Kuala Lumpur city centre on New Year eve with my loved ones *now with additional our darling Ally for sure…:)) We were there with few more thousand people, locals and tourist gearing up for the New Year Countdown at Kuala Lumpur Merdeka Square.

It was well planned to end the eventful 2012 with something lively and start 2013 in a great spirit. As usual, it’s always have and always be a double celebrations on the last day of the year. It’s the 41th Birthday of my beloved husband on 31st December and New Year Eve on 1st January. In order to be there by midnight and not to be stuck in a massive traffic, we started our festive celebration journey by taking a MyRapid light rail transit (LRT) from my place to the heart of Kuala Lumpur and walked to the hotel.

Yes! We have pre-booked a traveller boutique hotel located within Kuala Lumpur City Centre, Leboh Ampang the historic downtown area, which is near the KL Merdeka Square, the Central Market and also the famous China Town – The Petaling Street. The hotel called “Hotel 1915” as it’s occupying an elegant old building that constructed in 1915 and freshly renovated in chic modern contemporary welcoming interior design concept. Complete with sustainable green materials and finishes and muted shades of grey, olive and white. We’re quite impressed with the Hotel in overall from the location, the architecture and design, the concept, services and facilities. It’s just nice and perfect and fully recommended for the first timer Kuala Lumpur traveller.

Hotel 1915 Facade

Hotel 1915 Facade

Hotel 1915 Reception

Hotel 1915 Reception

Hotel 1915 Waiting Lounge

Hotel 1915 Waiting Lounge

After checked in the hotel, we walked to the Central Market and Petaling Street – The China Town. Then we walked around the city enjoying and absorbing the city centre night feels. An hour to midnight we finally walked back to our hotel to keep our stuff and get ready to march with other thousands more people on the road to the KL Merdeka Square. It’s totally amazing experience -The people, the colours, the loudness and cheers, those vuvuzelas, whistles, blowers, and those batteries powered colourful head-gears…they were tremendously crazy.!!

2013 New Year Eve Crowd at Kuala Lumpur Merdeka Square

2013 New Year Eve Crowd at Kuala Lumpur Merdeka Square

Bang Bang Boom...The Fireworks !

Bang Bang Boom…The Fireworks !

A few more seconds to 12am 1st January 2013…everyone started counting…5,4,3,2,1…..and cheering….Happy New Year !!! Then, Bang Bang Boom above us all…those Firework displays were AF spectacular!!!

It was great be out here, breathing some fresh air and be somewhere like home away from home after my 4 months Post Surgery recovery period. Nevertheless, It’s a New Year…The new Year with the New Beginning, New Hopes and a New Creative Healthy Me…;)

Happy 2013.

Happy 2013.

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I am a rag doll with stitches in my head…;-)

I am a Rag Doll with Stitches in my Head…;-P

Hye all…I am back and feeling like a rag doll with stitches in my head…;-)

Today is my 3rd weeks of my post brain surgery and I am now in progress of recovering and resting at home, taking care by my beloved mother and under my Neurosurgeon’s medications and observation. I have to say….Thank you God Almighty for the miracle and giving me another chance to live my life again.

As usual, here’s an update of my journey before and after my battle…updated by my husband, two weeks ago, taken at Damansara Specialist Hospital (KPJ).

My date with destiny.. 17th~26th September 2012.

For those not in the know, I was diagnosed with a Brain Tumour “Tuberculum Sellae Meningiomawith the size of a golf ball located right behind both my eyes and below my brain and is located as such, that I had lost 60~70% of my eyesight. The symptom includes vertigo as well as constant mild throbbing headaches. Upon realizing that I could not fully see things directly in front of me, I underwent MRI scanning on early June 2012, which heart breakingly revealed the full extent of the cause.

Thanks God, it was non-cancerous but having it affecting my eyesight, it still had to go. So, on 17th of September 2012,  I was admitted to Damansara Specialist Hospital (KPJ) and on the 18th of September 2012 morning, after a 3 months period of soul searching and 2nd opinions, I finally did the surgery.

Calm…a night before the surgery…..

The evening on my first day in ward 313…I had to go trough few tests – a blood test and a chest x-ray. Then I had to let my wrist to be injected with few inches needle into my vein with exposed double cannulas for injecting drug in my vein. Gosh!! that process was the most painful process ever. The nurse got to do it three times as she can’t got it right at first, second and even the third time …both my hands were swollen like AF’fin crazy…!

Later at night before the operation, my Neurosurgeon , Datuk Dr. Zurin Adnan and my Anesthetists. Doctor Hilmi came visited and asked me how I was doing. Doctor Zurin even asked me a funny question – of what hairstyle I wanted to be shaved before he performed the surgery??….GI Jane, Vanilla-ice style, Rihanna style, flat top style etc…I giggled and I told him, let me think first and will let him know tomorrow morning before the surgery.

Partly GI Jane Style kay…

As I can’t take it any more with my swollen hands … I got to get Doctor Hilmi to do the forth time…Owh! I felt so much better….then only he asked for my consent and signature of few documents.  Last before they left my room, I remembered they told me to be calmed and to pray a lot and not to forget  to fast 12 hours before the surgery. Noted Docs !!!

The next morning, there were two nurses came to my room as early as 8am to prepare me for the surgery. They change my cloth to the surgical patient robe and asked me to lie down on another bed, which they will push the bed out of my ward room to the Surgery Theater. Before they push me out, I gave my my mother and husband hugs and kisses and they exchanged with words of support and love.

Reached the Surgery Theater…I was at the center of the cold and quiet room, my heart started pounding fast. Dr. Zurin and Dr Hilmi came to me and explain some procedures. Dr Zurin said my head will be shaved partly as requested by me and Dr hilmi will do the his part and I will feel nothing after that.

The surgery went well and was a success, the worst was over. I was resting in an Intensive Care Unit (ICU) after an 8 hours surgery. According the Dr Zurin, the procedure that I just went trough was Pterional Craniotomy Surgery, which  is a widely used technique in neurosurgery and along with its adjuncts allows access to the greater proportion of the anterior skull base and is an important bread and butter approach by all neurosurgeons for my case. And to Dr. Zurin,  I have to say Kudos Man…you managed to suck out 95% of the Tumour, which was incredible as only 70% was targeted due to the proximity of the growth to the Eye nerves. Dr. Zurin however took a bit of risk to achieve the feat as he somehow managed to bruise my right eye nerve in the process, resulting in total blindness to the right eye for quite a time.

I remembered half an hour after the surgery, I was fully awake and saw Dr Zurin holding a small red torch light in his right hand and move it slowly to check my eye’s pupils and calling my name. Stood up next to him were my brother and sister inlaw. I was so happy to see them and started talking to them none stop. Visitors, which most of them were my families kept changing…from my brother and sister inlaw, changed to my mother and my husband then my parent inlaw to my aunties and uncles.

Dr Zurin was very impressed with a positive improvements, so he instructed some nurses to move me to a High Dependency Units (HDU) the next day and  planned to remove some tubes out from my body, which quite a good signs.

2 days in HDU then I was relocated to a new ward room 383, which was quite a good standard single room near the nurse station counter. According to my doctor who came visiting me twice a day, nurses that came and checked on me….they said my room was the most happening room on my floor. Always full with visitors, gifts, flowers and foods. Dr Zurin was very impressed with the situation as he said it will helps me to recover faster if it is going to be like this. My brain needs to be stimulated after the surgery.

4th day after the surgery with my darling daughter….Ally ;)

On my last day in my 383 ward room with my superb Neurosurgeon Datuk Doctor Zurin Adnan and my beloved hubby…. ;-)

My guardian angel….Love ya hun…xoxo

As the right eye has since improved and increasing visual field to 60~70%. the left eye too has improved leaps & bounds with a visual field to nearly 100%. On 26th September 2012, I was scheduled to be discharged and thus ends what had became a personal roller coaster ride of emotions for me and family. Before all ended, again I have to go trough few tests to check whether I am fit to go home. I got to get both my eyes checked again, my brain needed to go trough the CT scan to check the fluid or any damages in the head and I have to clean and remove my bandages on my head and exposed my major stitches – approximately more than 180 stitches…in my head …Really! These were experiences that I wish to never had happened yet will not ever want to forget…!

My Chucky me….or a Rag Dolly me with Stitches in my head…;P

To those who follow updates through my Facebook via my husband’s status and pictures, which those came from his personal heart feeling…I am blessed to have him by my side, thank you love… and also my previous postings…Not to forget to my beloved families who came all the way from hometown to look after me …especially my mother….I love you mom…!.

I am now on Medical Leave for 3 months and resting at home hoping for a speedy recovery. I would love to take this opportunity to thank you to those who came to visit me when I was at the hospital…you really helped a lot in giving me strengths and to get better as soonest.

After all  these happened  to me, I am sure I will be a better and stronger me and will join and support as many organisations and causes of local Brain Tumour awareness campaigns and foundations as what I  have learnt that Brain Tumour is a common sickness globally but no awareness locally.

BT Buddies

Brain Tumour Buddies.…Yes!, I am a Survivor all the way from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia…count me in ;-))

I am Survivor….!

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Escape into the Woods…

Happy 55th Merdeka Day Malaysia !!!

Merdeka….Merdeka…Merdeka!!!

Tanggal 31, bulan Lapan, 57….

31st August 2012

It’s 55th years Independence Day Celebration of my peaceful and beautiful mother country, Malaysia.  Despite of hoo haas and propas here and there due to election fever, which is coming soon…Lets forget politics, screw the status… We gather, We are truly one !!!

Yes ! We are…my Hotstaz, that’s what I called my dearest close friends, which they are like family to me. It has been a while we have not hook up like we used to…kind of missing our good old time though. I guess commitments and such make us pretty tied up and not so free for a sweet rendezvous…;-)

Finally, we chose Merdeka *Independence Day holiday break to gather and catch up again. After few discussions since early 2012, we agreed to something – to have a nite-out gathering in the woods during Merdeka *Independence Day cum Hari Raya *Eid ul Fitr Celebration week, which falls on 31st August. And there you go…all the booking, planning and arrangements started since February this year!!! That’s how early we have plan!!

The day has come. It was a bright morning with beautiful sun rays. All were packed, geared up and ready to enjoy the serenity of the nature. We are going in to the wood, people…far far away from all the city’s madness and civilisations – Sekeping Serendah, a private retreat place located in Rawang’s tropical rainforest, which is about one hour drive from Kuala Lumpur.

This amazing place has 7 sheds set within 5 acres forest and the most favourite shed is The Glass House, which we are going to be and stay for a night. Amazingly all sheds are nestled nicely, masked well with the surrounding that we can hardly see each shed even though they are pretty close to each other.

The Glass House…

I aware about this place and started to admire it since it start open to public last 6 years ago. What I like the most about this place is the beauty of the nature, the architecture and the landscape. It just happened that I know the architect who designs it and he is one of my mentors…Mr Ng Seksan., the man with nature.

We reached there around 2pm. The journey was quite an experience but after we saw the Glass House…That’s totally IT!!…Awesssooome!! I was so amazed with the shed. It is very transparent and so well ventilated. All materials used are sustainable and green…simple, hardwearing and easy to maintain…I feel fresh and it’s like back to nature…I LOVE IT !!!

We settled down, packed our stuff, looked around the house, took loads loads of pictures while waiting for my Hotstaz arrival. Around 6pm, we set up our BBQ pit and started the fire…

Almost all my Hotstaz turned up…I can hear they were like astonished with the place too…with the “Whooaaa…Ohhhh…WOW…Niceeee”…etc. They just love the place like I do. We huddled, we chatted, we laughed, we ate and we were even wrapped in all in white attire! Natural in Nature…just perfect! Adults gathered at the alfresco balcony near the food and fire, children were all up on the loft, having their kiddos momentous…everything went smoothly alright…!!

All White Hotstaz merdeka Raya…!

It was almost midnight. My guess slowly made a move …left the place in batches with the smile on their face. Goodnight and Goodbye…left few of us as the organizer to spend a night in the house. Exhausted but satisfied, clock strikes 2am and we finally called it a night!!

Threw myself on the huge bed, hide inside the suspended traditional mosquito net surrounded with all the sounds of nature…after a few blinks, I was in the lala land…;)

The loft with 2 huge bed and traditional mosquitoes net…

The morning after was pretty bliss…How I missed the freshness of the forest’s morning breeze…the morning dew’s zest… the song of the birds chirping…Gosh! I am so going to miss this place.

We had our simple breakfast and enjoyed the moment till it last. 12 noon we were all ready to check out…while walking to the car, I cannot stop thinking about the great moment we had last night and somehow I feel so touch when I learned part reasons of the gathering last night was to be with me before my Surgery Procedure soon…I am so Blessed !!!

Okay then,  Sekeping Serendah, Thank you for a beautiful momentous.

I will surely be back !!!

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