Category Archives: The AF Work

Muse o Mine

my-guardian-angel-b2

Pitch Black

It was dark…totally pitch black !

Sight in the first blink of my eyes; just after the 8 hours of my Brain Tumour Pterional Craniotomy Surgery…terrified, panicked, freaked-out; whatchamacallit…I was DOOMED…game over!_My mind ticked !!

Deep breathing with a little prayer and hope…after few blinks, there it goes, ray of light started to peep in with familiar images started to visualized. I recognized them…Yeah, I can see….Yeah, I CAN SEE !

GOD is Great,I am blessed !
#throwback_18th September 2012

Light at the end of the tunnel…

There’s what I always think it is.  Hoping this chaos, this convoluted mess, web of confusion, this pit of darkness; somehow something good will come out of it. Miracles happen to help make sense of the battle, the turmoil, the pain, the exhaustion. One thing that all these series of unfortunate events did to me was bring out my personality totally to the full force.

Recovering…

Using this moment, an absolute the turning point, to rebuild, refocus and realize what this new life is all about. Ruminate and reminisce…it’s sad that I have not taken priority in the earlier stage this blues and fuelled it into this vibrant, energetic, motivated and inspired me. Instead I mope and feel weakness pulsating through every vessel. I do not over-share in the beginning because I do not think anyone will understand. Instead it manifests into more sorrow and an overflow of exhaustion. Gosh!!

Have I cried enough? … Well, I cannot recall but yeah…Yes, in my own way.

Do I think I am a burden to my partner? …Yes and so so Yes !

Am I selfish? … A little bit Yes !

Do I feel pressure to have moved on already? …Totally Yes !

Am I different? …Absolutely Yes !

Am I lucky? …Probably Yes !

I want to wipe away all the anguish and just feel better. I am so want to have a good day in each every single day. Everything now starts with “Ever since I survived…,” there is that cloud, this moment of grasping for air and trying to understand how to cope, reflect and stand up. This is a new beginning. Dealing with few major unfortunate events in life forces every vein in my well-being to face my real self, my identity, everything I knew …All of me !

With Almighty GOD gifts and loves, with a simple and adequate upbringing, with a good mixing blood in me, a true-true Scorpion that I have always been;  had very powerful feelings about things and an ability to be able to feel so much love towards people, but at the same time can hurt me like crazy. That is something that I have needed mentoring on, and that I have had to grow into. I have to keep moving forward, venture to a new career path, renew faith in self, to recommence romance, a growing family, a totally new life…?

Answer is…I evolve to a better person than I was before…

I found ways to heal mind, body, spirit and soul, but never healed my heart. The biggest thing I have learned in this round of reinvention after the Brain Tumour and Cancer is the importance of Self-Love. My perceived faults were never flaws, nor even mistakes. Embracing that helped me to accept all that I am, and all that others are as well. I cannot fully love, forgive, or embrace others until I can do the same for myself. I have finally managed to decouple these people I have loved from the matrix of post-traumatic stress triggers, simply by choosing to love them again. That trapped child within has finally been released, and is free to just Love again….Love conquers all…Love Life !

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“Togetherness – L.O.V.E “

New life resurrection…

It’s all started when I took a chance and decided to solely in charge to develop the interior design of an International corporate office based in Malaysia just after my remission. At first I thought it was just a same old typical job that I have done before. But, it started to develop during my site visit, first time I saw this 16 foot tall colourful human sculpture titled “Togetherness” at the site main entrance of the prestige building in the heart of Kuala Lumpur City Centre, The Platinum Park. It perceives “LOVE” to me. I was moved by how powerfully yet simply it represented how I have felt about one too many people over past years. Some might say the sculpture represents people’s egos, pride, and resentment. Allowing pain to persist when people are unwilling or unable to resolve bad situations with each other even though deep inside; the inner side of me is reaching out towards the other with LOVE.

People, Process and Progress…

The positive vibes and energy from the sculpture then transferred to the people. I had been introduced to the team member of the job, which very interesting as much as I learn about them and the more I interacted with them, I realized I was thrilled to work closely with this amazing team. Ranging from the Client-Customer, the Leader and the Manager to the Builder; each of them has a good personality quality and interesting character, are very much in tune with each other, has a great sense of team spirit, believes in their purpose, and runs the operation and shift without a formal leader in the middle of things. We have a “shared philosophy” and I must admit and put in word that…this is the first time ever I feel, I have worked in a whole and comprehensively accomplished.

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The People

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The Project

Throughout the process, we challenged, questioned, resolved conflicts, and argued. As a result, we left with specific plans and commitments to develop into a success results. The hard work and effort paid off as I became known as “the star” of the project and singled out as “special” compared to my other few hundreds jobs. I was motivated by the positive attention, the empowerment, and the pride that goes along with being the best. As a result of this experience, it is clear the team developed out of a clear understanding to compete against the goal instead of each other. We stayed self-driven and self-directed as a result of being allowed to become more than our “individual selves”.

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One of All

To self-accomplish, after all I realized and learn that I finally found the precious thing that I have lost; MY LIFE !  Been surrounded with great people from different background and different practises with positive vibes somehow boosted the serotonin in me and precisely there was ONE and still is ONE particular amazingly inspiring that just make me smile again and most importantly…bring my life back! Thank you !

In the progress, now I fully aware that life is short so why make it shorter as I can make it sweeter. I will do as much as I can to fulfil those many blanks in my life. Continuously I will…

…”Preserve the existence; conserve the possession…Quest of ventures; Pursuit of Endeavours”…

Clock ticked and ready to be unstuck…

After few months of joyride, the project finally reached the completion then again here I am…the melancholia triggered. Sadden but there is always the beginning of each ending. I was up there for a while and back to down here once more time. That is life that I have to leave in…always resentment to contentment; pressure to pleasure;hostility to serenity…that I cannot allow myself to be under the line again…Never again. I must find the remedy to the catastrophe, seeking for opportunities, booked the flight ticket and enjoy the journey. Damn it…what a roller coaster ride!

Teasing my mind to arouse my creativity…

                                   ….”Where art thou, Muse o ma creation…”

Like all things I really want in my life, sometimes I just need to reprogram the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to support what I want to move into a creative mindset. Really, that is the gist of it.

Again, deep breathing with a little prayer and hope…I lie back, relax and take pleasure in exploring few provocative ways to arouse my creativity. Count my blessings and spend time with love ones and LOVE MY MIND…Start pursuing my free writing, write from a real me and WRITE MY MIND or write craps…Get away from the computer, take my pencil, my sketchbook and SKETCH MY MIND…Listen to new sound, new music and SING MY MIND… Meet new people from different walks of life, strike up a conversation in any way and SPEAK MY MIND…Do something that makes me happy; that brings me joy; that make me feel loved; that centers me and FEEL MY MIND…Be in the moment or I call this ‘being in the zone‘ and BE MY MIND !

These are all muses to me…maybe a living or non-living…pursuit or activity…active or reflective, but it is important to me because it has potential to heal, inspire, motivate, uplift, and reveal me. In my fast paced creative world, the muse often becomes the island of solace and becomes a very necessary part of my inner creativity growth and the evolution of myself.

I may have stumbled upon my muse accidentally, or through intentional or very deliberate processes, or simply by processing what I like and do not like to do, or through experiencing personal tragedy. I believe that searching for Muse o Mine is part of my life script and chapter. I also think that it is a form of modern questing. In this adventure, I do not pretend to have any definitive answers, magic formulas or award-winning storybook. I am simply a Designologista who is also looking, but who is willing to share parts of my discoveries and tales of my life. In essence, it is time to make friends with my inspirational muse…The Muse o Mine !

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“Where art tho, Muse o ma Creation”

In GOD, I trust and believe…It’s a blessed and bliss

To dearest Muse o ma Creation , Inspirational Muse o Mine…you move me and I do not know how to thank you that much…but you always have and always will be …the ONE that makes and colours the Insignias of Afiey… !

s

Insignias of Afiey

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AFIEY:INSURRECTION

AFIEY:INSURRECTION

AFIEY:INSURRECTION

14th January 2013…my 5th BT Post Surgery Doctor’s check-up went quite okay…my Visual Field eye test seemed improving too. Despite all those, I am still unfit to start work and have been given another month to rest in addition of my 4 month’s medical-leave. But yeah!! Being me…AFiey the AFlame, AFire, eager and enthusiastic as always, decided to kick off my work on the dot of my 4th months medical-leave that falls on 16th January 2013 instead. I know it’s a risk but I took a chance as I feel it’s a need for me to get back into the groove, establish my self-confidence level and absorbing as much design updates activities in the market to gear up myself in phases until my actual work starting date.

Back to Work

Back to Work

 16th January 2013…I was one excited early bird, getting ready for the day. Put up my best, smart and casual office attire, some make-up on and perfume. Had a good healthy breakfast and yes…I am set to Rock’nRolla…!

Doing what I do best...

Doing what I do best…

Being in the office environment with my superb team, sketching some space planning, catching up with my Clients, visiting few of my completed Projects after a long break…kind of made me feel like…Well AFiey, you are so so back in action and so so ready to shake the world…*It’s Great to be Back!!…It has been a while though and Hey!…Doña Hermosa, Tranquilo…take it easy babe, nice and slow…!

AFiey is back in action!

AFiey is back in action!

2013…*Please be GOOD to me yeah…;-)

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Paradigm Shift…the Hijra

12th June 2012…

Early start of the day…had a warm shower, got ready and had a simple breakfast with my hubby. I am still on my medical leave and he has to take an emergency leave as he will be my ride of the day…;-))

Well, today we will be heading south to a place that practicing alternative treatment, which I think is primarily spiritual, faith-healing and prayers for the sickness – The Islamic treatment,  Darussyifa’.

Listen to your Heart

Cannot help myself but my heart is calling and I am listening…I know some people will say, why on earth do I have to waste my precious AF time to go there which I have already knew the answer and how to solve it. Yeah! True it is but sometime you have to aware of your feelings and let them guide you. Your feelings are there for a reason, so what I do is try to understand them, rather than try to suppress them.

Often we tend to make decisions based on what our logic tells us to do. But not everything in life is logical, and so to listen to your heart is about listening to your needs. When you feel something in your heart, there is always a message there. Sometimes this is in the form of a gut feeling or a hunch. So by listening to your heart can be most important when you need to make important life decisions where logic is not the issue, but where your own happiness and future are at stake.

In this case, I am listening to my heart and I know by going to that place…I will find something and I will feel much much better.

Darussyifa’

I reached there…a bungalow house located on a small hilly site facing the “surau”,  a small beautiful mosque. There were lots of cars parked by the road side in front of the bungalow…we walked in and saw so many people waiting at the lobby. I guess they must be walk-in patients. I was considered lucky though as I managed to speak with one “Ustaz” before I come and he set an appointment for me. So, cut all those hassles straight away we have been ushered inside to a treatment room.

It is a small room, just nice to fit 4 people actually but there are 3 chairs in there with one side cabinet, fully carpeted and quite chilly. I went in with my hubby. Sitting inside is the “Uztaz”, I belive that was the man I spoke on the phone and set the appointment before. He is “Ustaz”Asri, a decent old man in white cloth and white turban. He is actually the apprentice of the famous local “Ustaz”, which known as Y.Bhg Tuan Guru Dato’ Dr. Haron Din.

The procedure was pretty quick and simple and pretty alleviate too. Ustaz Asri just simply asked my full name and my mother’s name and what I am diagnosing with. He wrote them on a piece of paper in Arabic then he asked my hubby’s permission to touch the top of my head and recites some Quranic verses and Du’as *prayer of supplications. This is when I mentioned earlier that I felt alleviated. The verses and prayers somehow sounded so beautiful and I can feel a soft force of energy passing through my entire body…no words can explain that feeling but it was so overwhelming until I felt tears coming out from my left eye…a happy tears I must say…*Blessed

He continues his prayer of supplications and blessed the water in the bottle.We had a little chat and ended with an instruction for me to drink the blessed water *water that had been “ruqyah”, five times a day after recite few specific Quranic verses. The water can be refilled simply by adding drinking water as it is finishing. That’s It!

The overall experience at Darussyifa’ has changed my view about life. Now I learn that life is NOT just about WORK and LIFESTYLE. It is NOT just get up in the morning and go to work…work your AF ass off until late night, everyday every seconds, twenty-four seven. Work ’till you drop, which is what exactly happened to me. I took it for granted and lightly. I ignored my health and other important things in life as life is actually more than that.

5 balls juggler

Life is like juggling 5 balls, 1 of them is WORK that is always a rubber ball. It will surely bounce back if it drops. Another 4 of them are FAMILY, FRIENDS, HEALTH and SPIRIT. These 4 are always in glass balls, which once drop it shattered and never be the same. I feel I am not a great juggler as I was and I am only juggle the one rubber ball and keeping still the other 4 balls.

Life Changing

This overwhelmed visit really was an eye opener. Somehow, I realized I have been given another chance in life to change what is NOT right before it is too late. I realized that the capital HIM loves me so much by granted me this TEST for me to face it and solve it for the betterment. I realized it was actually a SIGN for me to STOP whatever I practice and START new all over again…O my Lord!! I have been touched by YOU…Thank you for showing me all these…Thank you indeed !

This is IT…It is a call for me to love HIM more… It is a new beginning of a NEW chapter in my LIFE…It is my Paradigm Shift…It is my Hijra…May HE shows me the light and leads me the way…! *Blessed

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It has been a while & the WINTER is coming…

It has been a while…yeah, It’ has been a while…

American Idol Season 11’s fever was over. Really!! Nah…as for me, Phillip Phillips fever is still not so yet over though…still hawt hawt hawt ;-)) and now here comes EURO cups fever. Gosh! How time flies. Now I just realized that I have not updating my blog for almost half a year now…how bad !!

Okay Okay…It’s about time that I have to hit the keyboard again and start typing something…yeah, let’s do it ! ..

Year 2012 started very promising and I have gone through it day after day with excitements, joys and hopes…filled it to the max, in-fact OVER the max sometime! Works really took over me and I was like been captivated and hypnotized with it. Too focusing with works, doing my design proposals, running design projects, meeting datelines, at the same time have to juggle with housework chores, family commitments etc really burnt me out. I totally forgot to take a break, to ease myself…simply like…yeah, reward myself!!! How foolish of me!

Being a Workaholic Designnologista is somehow synonym with me…When it comes do do the design works…”Afiey, do your magic…Afiey, just do what you do best…Afiey, it’s a piece of cake…dadada“ No question whatsoever, I just do it with a single snap and will forget everything else. I dunno whether it’s great to be correlated with THAT though. The thing is…Yes! I am, I feel superbly GREAT!!! I love challenges and I can feel the fire in me whenever I accomplished a design challenge or competition. To make it perfect though…I won it !!

Crazee me, working like a bee, busy collecting honey like honey is the supreme thing in the universe!!!

So it’s half of 2012 already…HEY JUNE !!!…;-)) Humming to this song, kind of reminds me of HeeJun of AI11…”HeeJun, don’t make it bad”…;)) and when thinking of HeeJun makes me thinking of the Bromance momentous with his BFF Phillip Phillips, the Idol…Gosh! these two fellas really make me smile sometime and laugh out loud most of the time ;-D

Phillip Phillips on the other hand… is an unbelievable humble young guy from Leesburg, Georgia…the boy so talented his parents named him twice!! I was rooting for PP since his first audition in Savannah, Georgia with his unique renditions of classic Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition” and Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”. Those two songs straight away captured my attention and yeah that’s IT!!…This guy will be the next Idol of the season!! and yeah that’s IT!!…I was stuck with AI11 like never before…;-P

Phillip Phillips’s Best Audition

Following his journey in AI11 somehow inspiring me…His humbleness, his family bonding and love, his believe in his music and his courage to face the competition while soldering with his sickness really has taught me something!! The Finale between the Pilipino Mexican Diva Songstress, Jessica vs the humble talented so called “WMWG” the White Man With Guitar was the best AI Finale ever.

I remembered, when it was shown LIVE on cable tele, it’s on 24th May morning…I was at my client’s office waiting to go in the meeting room for my design presentation. While waiting, I was so busy following the tweets and updates…so excited to know the result! Just a few minutes before we were called to go in the room…I got the result and YEAHHHHH…PP was crowned the Idol!!! I was like, screaming in silence….YES YES YES!!! *happy and smile and my presentation went well too though…;-))

PP the Idol

…….“To Phillip Phillips…Big congrats all the way from Malaysia…Do not stop doing what you do best…can’t wait to own your music someday ;-)”…..

and yeah, you can call me “Philatic”…as I am playing all PP’s tracks throughout my day daily….! *I find it…a cool inspiring way to kick off my Design mode of a day…;-)

1st June 2012…Happy Birthday to da Red Armies leader, da mastermind of SW1 Solutions …Mr SJ – Hava Blast n a Bless one mate.!! And to me, may everything go well with my Ophthalmologist’s appointment…ameen !

After working so hard for few months….none stop, without break and breather somehow has triggered some unbalance stuff in my body. I guessed my body flagged some sign…with a simple ”Hello! You need to call for a break mam, I just cannot take it anymore” It was all started when I went to a construction site on a hot bright sunny day…I realized my both eyes cannot take the bright sunlight. I close my both eyes out of sudden with my both hands and open my only right eye…and discovered my right eye’s vision was very blurry!!

So, that was the first call for me…to go for a check up with my Ophthalmologist. I went to an eye specialist centre nearby my place “Centre for Sight”. That’s my 1st doctor’s appointment to check my eye sight issues.

I met with Dr. Zurina, the Ophthalmologist. But before that, I was examined by Optometrist…sitting in a dark room, asked to stare at a target, tested with shine a light into my both eyes…asked me to read some alphabets in different sizes…estimated by the Retinoscopy, an instrument called a Phoropter that has been put in front of my eyes with few lenses…did eye scanning…then I was asked to dilate my pupils by putting some eye drops in my both eyes for half an hours. My pupils was dilated…my both brown eyes look so big, kind of look like a cat’s eyes when staring at the light in the dark…:-P I can’t see thing at all…! This was when Dr.Zurina did few tests on my both eyes.

Dilated Pupils like a cat eyes…;-P

The result…my both eyes are healthy and perfect. There are no issues with my eyes, It is not about Long-sighted, Short-sighted, Astigmatic or Presbyopic…It is something else…so I was asked to come for 2nd appointment, which was on 3rd June.

3rd June 2012… Before I proceeded with my 2nd appointment with Dr. Zurina, again I have been asked to go through the eye test with Optometrist with the additional test called “Visual Field”. This test consists of lights flashing in the periphery of my vision while I have to stare at a light in the centre of my field of view. This is to measure my peripheral vision. My eyes will be alternately covered while I focus on a distant object. This test is to detect strabismus (eye turn), which can lead to Amblyopia (lazy eye), poor depth perception and other conditions.

The result…same as the 1st result, my both eyes are healthy and perfect. There are no issues with my eyes; It is not about Long-sighted, Short-sighted, Astigmatic or Presbyopic…everything is normal except my vision is still very poor, especially with my right eye. According to Dr Zurina’s advises, it is something got to do with my optical nerve which is behind my both eyes and recommended me to go through the MRI Orbit scan as I was suspected to have an Optic Neuritis, which is inflammation of the optic nerve…herrrmmm!!! Wondering !

MRI Orbit Scans

6th June 2012… MRI Orbit Scans? It sounded serious though and it’s costly too. Since Dr. Zurina wrote a recommendation letter to go for MRI scan after few tests…I took it, yeah! This is serious man! So I decided to do it. My 3rd appointment was…I went to KPJ Damansara Specilist Hospital, at X-ray and Radiography section alone, registered to proceed with my MRI Orbit scan. Only GOD knows how scared I was at that moment.

I have no idea what to expect. Sharp at 2pm, I was called to get ready. The nurse asked me to clean up my face, to make sure no make-up and whatsoever chemical substance on my face. So, I washed my face and put all my stuff in a locker. I was asked to wait at the waiting lounge. At first I did not know why I have to wait. Then, here came the nurse with a tray in her hand…with a Syringe Needle in it!!! OMG…I have to be injected!!! *scared like Hell and started shivering!!

I asked the nurse…do I need to be injected? and she said…”Yes mam, I have to insert the needle in your vein at your hand in order to pump it the dye injection for contrast exam”…I was like, errrr…Okay! Then, she took my left hand, tied my wrist to find the vein and …she poke it…damn!!! It hurts!!! It was stuck there secured with tape with the plastic head exposed…!!

I was lead to the white room with the MRI scan machine in the middle of the room. The machine is kind of like a gigantic cylinder with a table in it. I was asked to lie on it and not to move an inch, so I did. Then the nurse put me on a head phone gear with some cool music played in it. I guess it is to cut the machine noises. Yeah, true enough, the machine created so much noises and vibrations and I was stuck in it for almost 75 minutes and within the middle of the procedure I was injected again with the dye thingy and that was hurt!!! Bad enough I cannot event move and talk!!! What the AF !!

After 2 hours of struggles with coldness, stillness and noises…I thought it was over. No! It was yet over, It’s just started…It’s a new beginning…of a cold long WINTER!!!

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Tuesday Blues…

Tuesday Blues …the first day of the week after three days weekend break. What a relief to spend some quality time with my two important people in life, the King and Princess of my heart…*Priceless!

It is kind of complex as both husband and I were practicing ID together in the same firm. To some people, working together with your spouse is like a dream comes true otherwise it is a torture…*more toward “no freedom”, ”being watched” etc… Well, to be frank, it is all up to how you take it though. So far, both of us handled it well and in fact we enjoyed it…*smile

It was all started since our Uni. time. We used to be a course mate. Studied Interior Design for three solid years in the same studio, graduated then been offered to practice ID in the same design firm. That was our first working together experience in a span of two years then continued to the second firm, the in-house design firm of one local leading developer for another three more years. We’ve got married when we attached here, back in year 1996. It was all flowery in first and two years until when the financial crisis hit us in 1998, everything went chaos. Both our name were in the “Last In First Out”-LIFO principal for the Organization’s 70% Employee Retrenchment list. We have been asked to terminate or services with the company and of course with a good term…*A few months paycheque waiver compensation. The last minutes “LIFO” decision somehow affected my AF life, our life. We were out of job for more than half a year, practically lived with our waived money and even rolling our Bank’s Credit Card money to pay our bills and to survive…*Madness!

We were both struggled in juggling our life and commitments. But then, lucky me for having my parent’s in-law close-by and they were so great then and so great now easing our burden, in a way. Being a newlywed in the family, it was somehow a family’s “un-written law” that “wanting” a new daughter in-law to stay with them for a few years in order to know her better.  Proudly announced that I was successfully survived my 3 years there and it was a beautiful experience. I love them even more as they supported and helped us a lot in our tough time.

The agony was over when the crisis was slowly recovered. Thank GOD that I finally got a new job and it was one of the design consultant firms that involved in developing the new mega township, a new federal administrative centre of Malaysia…“Putrajaya”.  This time around we were no longer working together. He has a job in a developer company, which the scope of works was more on liaising with consultants. Since then, we work separately for almost 10 years!

Okay, let’s go back to the top, the actual subject….
…It is great to be back in action, side by side again after a while. We in fact announced it to the world (Yeah, in Facebook to be exact) that “The Dynamic Duo is now back in action”… It has been more than 2 years now we are in the business and so far, things look promising but we have to somehow work harder in order to compete with those “Big boys” in the market. It is tougher than I thought as we are now in a higher position, in other words…the higher position you are is the higher expectation you need to meet and the more time and commitments you need to fit and the more information you need to feed. Basically we have to sacrifice our precious time for work more than for yourself and family. Yeah I know, it sounds not right though, but reality bites.  I hope things will get better as the firm grows.

Both of us, my husband and I always try our very best to find time for our one and only daughter. We know and fully aware that having quality time with our precious is the utmost important…no compromises. Even though we work hard, we will make sure we play hard too. Working in this design line, time is always crucial. Sometime we have to be smart in handling it..It is complicated but handling smart will ease the tense. If we have to work over the weekend, we will ask her to follow us and she will never budge. In fact, she is happy to accompany us…doing her own stuff … her school’s works, reading, drawings and playing in between and never disturb us. She knows, we will spend time together at the end . Somehow she get the picture right….*Blessed.

My sweet child o mine Ally, our loved and our precious. I want you to know … Both Papa and Mama are doing this all for you (you know for sure). Such amazing kid you are, we are so proud having you and we love you very much indeed. Remember my sweet heart, where there are three of us, there is HOME…!

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