“Winter is coming and it’s going to be a long one”…

“Winter is coming and it’s going to be a long one”…am I sounded like The Lady Catelyn Stark in The Game of Thrones…awww…;-P

The Lady Catelyn Stark – Game of Thrones

Seriously…Yeah! the WINTER is finally coming and it’s going to be a long COLD one…I need to be ready, prepare and stock up to stay warmer and alive…! Opps, hang on…Winter in Malaysia? Kind of like Winter Sonata?…Well, sort off a little. I actually mean it, seriously mean it…something is NOT so right with me and it will effected a lot of things and people around me…big time!!!.

Maybe some of you already knew and maybe some of you might notice that I have been a bit too quiet these past few months *via my Twitter and FB updates… and some might even be wondering what is going on with me lately.

Well, yeah…as my last blog updates, stopped at my doctor’s appointment on 6th June 2012.  That MRI Obit scan has actually changed my life in total. The moment I got the MRI scan results in my hand and the moment I was called to see the Radiologist, Dr. Hayati, the moment I stepped in her room…She straight away broke the news like in 5 seconds…”My dear, you have a serious condition …You have a Brain Tumour !!!” …I was like…WHHHAATTTT !!!  * My heart stopped and sat on her couch and stunned!!!

MRI result...

MRI result…

Worst still, I was there alone…exhausted, scared, hungry, sad …all mix feeling in my tummy. First word that came out from my mouth…”Owh GOD! is this for real !!!” Dr. Norhayati kept talking to me…bla bla bla…but I do not really paid attention to her …my mind was everywhere. She saw me in shocked and straight away she held my hand and asked me to follow her. She wanted me to see someone that can help me. While walking up and down in the Hospital, she was on her mobile talking to someone that she was asking to see me…Immediately!!

Yeah people! I am….Yes! I am actually now struggling and soldiering with a serious condition, which I just discovered and which I first thought a minor sickness. However, it’s not and I am at the moment, focusing on taking steps into cure and further rehabilitation.

The fact is that I have been diagnosed with a “Tuberculum Sellae Meningioma” likely a Suprasellar Glicoma Tumour/ Brain Tumour with the size about 3cm diameter now …It’s grows behind both my eyes and it has grown in such a size that is affected my optical nerves that is limiting my eyesight to only 30-40% visibility. The growth is also moving up towards my brain & in consequence, I might suffer partial blindness and severe headaches.

Fair to say that it is quite serious but thanks GOD, it is noncancerous  and curable via Open Surgery or Biopsy. So far, open surgery would be my last option. My families and me are now considering alternative treatments as our initial way forward.

For personal reasons, I chose to reveal this information in here as I think it’s important that people around me know and aware with what is going on with me and at the same time have an awareness toward Brain Tumour too. Another part of my personal reasons is to seek forgiveness *if there is any and just in case. We do not know what is going to be happened next, right!!

From 6th June 2012, I was officially registered as a patient in KPJ Damansara Specialist Hospital and been observed under one of the top Neurosurgeon Specialist in the town, Dr Zurin…which was that “Someone” that Dr. Norhayati was talking on the phone before. He was actually on leave on that day and rushed back to the Hospital just to see me and went through in details the MRI scans result. Thank GOD, my darling husband arrived about the same time with Dr. Zurin and he was still in a blank, no idea with what actually happen. In a few minutes, he was explained by Dr. Zurin and as expected, he was shocked!!!

I did asked Dr, Zurin, what actually caused it and how long has it been inside my head and grown in such size? There’s no exact answer and reason what and why it was there. He predicted, it has been in there maybe since I was born and triggered and grown maybe since last 3-4 years. He added possibility due to hormonal imbalance, overstressed, environment, radioactive etc. It can be anything…Yeah, maybe…I was over worked for almost forever and I guess that was IT!!

I am grateful to see Dr. Zurin as he is a very calm and warm hearted person. Talking to him makes me feel better even though the news were huge and a shocker to me. My husband somehow calmed himself down too. We discussed about few options and plans to cure. The best is via open surgery / Biopsy, which costs me approximately 50K. *excluded other side cost…I was like, ermmm, okay…that’s a BIG BUCKS there. I need to do loads-loads research and reading after this. It’s a life changing stuff here and what I have to go through soon is going to flip my life like 360 degrees.

I was then prescribed with minimal dosage Steroid base controlled drugs in order to protect my optical nerve from further damages and instructed me to take a break from work, taking medical leave for two weeks and set a new appointment to see him again for further check up on 11th June 2012.

My total hours spent in the hospitals that day was about 8 hours, which was from 2pm until 10pm at night. I went back home to my daughter and gave her a big bear hug with lots of kisses. My heart crushed as I really do not know how to tell her. I just hold on to it and wait for the best moment to explain to her and to the rest of my family too.

Sheryl-Crow

Ironically, what happened to me on 6th June was the same day the news came out on local newspaper about the singer, Sheryl Crow, which was diagnosed with the same symptom, a Brain Tumour and it was 2 days before today…the World Brain Tumour Day – June 8th…!

World Brain Tumour Day – 8th June 2012

For the time being, I just stay calm and positive…take it easy…trying my very best gathering all my strengths and energies to move forward…Surrounding myself with beloved families and friends, makes me feel much much better…I am blessed to have such caring and loving peoples around me…!

As my friends and my husband always believe in me…”I am a tough cookie and I am a real Fighter… I will never never give up easily…That’s for sure !!!”

O GOD, grant me strength to stay stronger, grant me strength to face this obstacle…ameen !!

The battle continues….

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